We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
