Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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