You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
