Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
