How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
