apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
