I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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