people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
