wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
