He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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