love makes seman taste better
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm always down for nudity.
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