i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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