Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
