I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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