what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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