I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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