I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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