whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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