The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
