I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
