it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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