how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
