i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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