Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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