i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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