you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
