I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
