Me too!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
