sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
