Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
