So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
