so that wasnt chicken after all
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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