When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
