I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
