5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
