Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
