I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
