The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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