My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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