I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
