I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
