So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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