That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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