Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
