Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
