I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
