Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
