and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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