This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
