I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
