I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
